Medium Well Done
by Danja
Summary: A rewriting of the episode 'Bigger Than A Bread Box And Better Than A Genie'. Roger and Tony visit a psychic.


****

Medium Well Done

* * *

"Tony!" Roger Healey called to his friend. "I want you to meet someone."

Tony was attending a cocktail party at Roger's apartment. He was standing along the wall in the living room, cradling a scotch-and-soda-on-the-rocks.

Tony looked at Roger. Accompanying him was a dark-haired middle-aged woman with fine-boned features, hazel eyes, and an olive complexion. She wore an emerald green caftan trimmed with gold thread.

"Tony, this is my neighbor, Madame Zolta." said Roger as he made the introductions. He then said in a stage whisper to Tony, "She's a psychic."

"A psychic, huh?" Tony replied.

"Oh, yeah." said Roger. "She knows everything about me." In a low voice, he said, "She can even talk to the dead."

"Really?" said Tony, feigning amazement.

"How do you do? It is a pleasure to meet you," said Madame Zolta in thickly accented English.

"Major Nelson!" said a cheerful masculine voice from across the room.

Tony followed the voice. Dr. Alfred Bellows and his wife Amanda were walking towards him.

Tony smiled shyly. "Doctor … Mrs. Bellows," he said with a nod as he greeted them.

"Doctor … Mrs. Bellows … this is my neighbor, Madame Zolta," said Roger as he introduced the couple.

"How do you do?" replied Madame Zolta with a nod.

"She's a psychic," said Roger to the Bellows'.

"Madame Zolta," said Tony. "Is there anyone who is trying to contact me?"

Madame Zolta closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. "I see an older woman behind you," she said. "Aunt … mother … sister."

"My mother," said Tony.

"Ah, yes," said Madame Zolta. "Your mother. She wants very much to speak with you. I am holding a séance at my shop Thursday evening. You are all welcome to come," she said as she gestured to include Tony and the Bellows'.

"That sounds wonderful. We'll be there," said Amanda Bellows.

Dr. Bellows protested. "Amanda … "

"Oh, come on, Alfred … it'll be fun!"

Tony pulled Roger aside. "Roger, this woman is a fraud," he said in a low whisper.

"How can you say that?" Roger replied. "She contacted your mother!"

"She couldn't have contacted my mother," said Tony. "My mother is still alive."

* * *

Thursday evening came quickly. Tony – in uniform -- stood in the living room adjusting his tie.

"Jeannie!" Tony called out to the air.

"Yes, Master?" said Jeannie as she suddenly appeared behind him.

"Ah, Jeannie," said Tony as he turned around to face her. "I'm going to a séance tonight."

"Oh, it has been years since I have been to a séance!" said Jeannie excitedly.

"I want you to stay here," said Tony. "This is business. I have to stop Roger."

"What is wrong?"

"This psychic is a fraud. She contacted the spirit of my dead mother."

"What is wrong with that?"

"Nothing … if it weren't for the fact that my mother's still alive."

Jeannie's eyebrows narrowed. "I see," she said.

The doorbell rang. "It's open!" said Tony.

Roger – in uniform -- entered the room carrying a small white envelope. "Hi Jeannie, Tony," said Roger as he greeted them.

"Hi, Rog," said Tony. "What's in the envelope?" he said, gesturing towards the envelope.

"Oh … this…" said Roger. "This is a check for the balance of my bank account."

Jeannie's eyebrows shot up. "Roger!" exclaimed Tony.

"Madame Zolta told me to empty my bank account. "

"Why?"

"She told me the money was cursed. She said she needed to hold it for safekeeping."

"If the money _is_ cursed, surely _I_ can remove it," said Jeannie, offering to help.

"Roger, save your money. It's not cursed," said Tony. "Madame Zolta is taking you for a ride."

"How do _you_ know it's not cursed?" protested Roger.

"What makes you think it's cursed?" Tony replied. "You have a great job, friends who care about you, a roof over your head … There _IS_ no curse!"

"You don't know! You're not psychic!"

"Who would curse you … and _why?_" inquired Jeannie to Roger.

"I dunno," said Roger with a sigh. "That's what scares me."

Tony looked at his watch. "It's almost time." He cradled the back of Jeannie's neck and kissed her on the forehead. "Be a good girl now, you hear? I'll be back later." Tony then said to Roger, "C'mon, let's go."

"Good-bye, Jeannie," said Roger as he turned to leave.

"Good-bye, Master," said Jeannie as Tony and Roger walked out the door.

_If any harm were to come to Roger while I stood by and did nothing, _thought Jeannie after the two had left, _I would not be able to live with myself._

Jeannie made a decision. _I am going to that séance._

With that, she folded her arms, blinked, and disappeared into thin air.

* * *

Madame Zolta's shop was a tiny hole-in-the-wall outfit located at the north end of town. She conducted her seances in a dimly lit room located in the back of the shop.

"Amanda, this truly is a complete waste of time," complained Dr. Bellows to his wife as they entered the séance room. He was in uniform; Amanda Bellows wore a Navy blue dress. Tony, Roger, and Madame Zolta entered behind them.

A small round table covered with a white linen tablecloth stood at the center of the room. A baseball-sized crystal ball sat in a pewter cradle at the center of the table. Several steel folding chairs stood around the table. A solitary hanging ceiling lamp illuminated the séance table.

"Please, be seated," said Madame Zolta. The group took their places around the table.

"Please, join hands." The group obliged.

Madame Zolta called to her assistant. "Hamid! The lights!" The house lights went out … leaving only the hanging ceiling lamp as illumination.

* * *

Silently and invisibly, Jeannie entered the séance room. She stood against the wall and observed the scene.

* * *

Madame Zolta closed her eyes and arched her neck back, going into "trance". She then opened her eyes once again.

"Is there anyone here?" asked Madame Zolta to the ether.

* * *

_If she wishes to see spirits, _thought Jeannie, _then I will oblige her._

* * *

Jeannie blinked. As if it had heard Madame Zolta's question, the ceiling lamp began to swing side-to-side in a pendulum motion. Amanda Bellows let out a gasp.

"Is there anyone who wishes to come forth?" asked Madame Zolta.

"WHO SUMMONS ME?!" boomed the invisible Jeannie in a deep, masculine voice. Amanda Bellows gasped and jumped in her seat.

"I am Madame Zolta. Who are you?"

"I am the demon Astaroth, denizen of the fourth level of hell."

Madame Zolta reached under the table, produced a small wooden cross, and held it in front of herself. "Begone, demon!" she intoned. "I command you!"

Jeannie roared with masculine evil laughter. "False is your belief in that symbol," she boomed. "And thus, it will not help you!" With that, in a show of supernatural strength, she snapped the cross in half.

"Foolish mortal," Jeannie/Astaroth taunted. "Do you really think that you can command _me_, a demon from the bowels of Hell, like a genie in a _bottle?_"

_"Genie in a bottle" … could it be? _thought Tony. He then shook his head. _Nah, can't be her.  
_

"MADAME _ZOLTAAA_," intoned the booming demonic voice through the room. "Thou hast made a mockery of our kind. Thou hast been judged and found wanting. Your lifespan on this plane of existence will end tonight. I have come to claim your immortal soul."

_On the other hand, __I wouldn't put it past her.  
_

Amanda Bellows embraced her husband tightly. Madame Zolta trembled visibly. _Dear God,_ she thought, _what have I _summoned?

"Spare me!" pleaded Madame Zolta. "Don't take me! I don't want to die! I'll do anything … ANYTHING!"

"Anything?" said the demon, intrigued.

"Anything … _ANYTHING!_ Name it!"

"You may begin by telling all who are present here tonight who you _REALLY_ are … "

"What would you have me say?" Madame Zolta whimpered.

As if lifted by an unseen hand, the crystal ball began to levitate out of its cradle and hover in mid-air. With the elan of Randy Johnson heaving a fastball, the invisible Jeannie threw the crystal ball against the wall, shattering it into a million pieces.

"SPEAK, _WITCH!_" bellowed the demon.

"I'mnotapsychicI'mnotamediumIhavenopsychicpowersI'veneverspokentothedeadbeforeinmylifeI'minthisforthemoneyPLEASEDON'TKILLME!" Madame Zolta blubbered.

"You will return to all who are present here tonight all of the money that you have cheated out of them … now and in the past."

Madame Zolta called for her assistant. "HAMID!"

A bald burly man in his late-30's came out of the back room. "Yes, Mistress?"

"Bring the cashbox here."

"Why?" said Hamid, puzzled.

"Just _DO_ it!" said Madame Zolta frantically.

Hamid bowed his head slightly and left the room. He returned carrying a small gray-colored metal box. Madame Zolta's hands trembled as she opened the box and counted out forty dollars in twenty-dollar bills.

"Here's your money back," she said as she handed the bills to Roger.

"_ALL_ OF IT!" boomed the disembodied demonic voice.

"That _IS_ all of it!" pleaded Madame Zolta.

"That is _not_ all of it and you know it," said the demon. "Thou art attempting to deceive me. You and I both know that the gentleman in green" -- meaning Roger -- "has come here on three separate occasions prior to tonight. And furthermore, at your bidding, he gave you an envelope containing a check made out in the amount equivalent to the entire contents of his bank balance!"

"I have done no such thing!" protested Madame Zolta.

"You have, and I know it!" said the demon. "You told him it was 'cursed'. You told him that he had to give it to you for 'safekeeping'." The demon paused. "Return it to him now or_ I _will inflict a very _real_ curse upon _THEE_!"

A chill began to run down Roger's spine. _How does this demon know so much about me?_

Madame Zolta reached back into the cashbox and pulled out the envelope and one hundred and twenty more dollars in twenty-dollar bills. She trembled as she handed the rest of the money to Roger. "Here," she said to Roger. "Take it!" She then turned her attention back to the demon. "That's all of it … I swear!"

"You and your associates will now leave this city tonight, never to set foot within its boundaries ever again," said the demon. "Do not attempt to deceive me, for I _will_ be watching."

"Yes! Yes! We're leaving!" said Madame Zolta as she grabbed the cashbox and rose to leave. "Thank you for sparing me."

"Leave the box here."

"What?"

"Do you really think that I am going to permit you to _profit_ from your impudence? The box must remain here."

"Try and take it! I dare you!"

All at once, the box suddenly began to glow red-hot. Madame Zolta dropped it like a hot potato.

"NOW, _GO!_" bellowed the disembodied demonic voice.

"We're leaving! We're leaving!" said Madame Zolta as she backed out of the room. "Hamid, get down here! We're leaving town!" she called to her assistant. She then turned and made a beeline for the front door.

"Excuse me, um … Astaroth," said Amanda Bellows. "The rest of us here didn't mean to disturb you. We just want you to know that we'll be leaving now."

"Go in peace, mortal woman," said the demon quietly. "My work here is finished." The demon then punctuated this statement with a clap of thunder.

"Thank you, kind Sir," replied Amanda as Tony helped her out of her seat.

Tony directed his thoughts at Amanda Bellows. _It's all right. She won't hurt you. _He then commanded, "Roger, get the lights."

Roger nodded, got up, and searched for the light switch.

"Alfred?" Amanda called as she searched the room for her husband; he had somehow left her side. The house lights came back on; there on the floor next to his wife lay the unconscious body of Dr. Bellows, in a dead faint.

"ALFRED!" screamed a horrified Amanda as she rushed to her husband's side. She tapped his face with the back of her hand, trying to rouse him.

"Um, Tony … what do we do about the money?" asked Roger.

"Leave it for the police. It's evidence," Tony replied.

Dr. Bellows slowly came to. Tony, Roger, and Amanda all helped Dr. Bellows to his feet. Amanda took her husband's arm. "Come along, Alfred. Let's go home," she said.

Dr. Bellows looked at Tony.

"Major Nelson, you have done it to me again," he said. He then turned and left the room on his wife's arm.

Roger turned to leave. "You coming?" he said to Tony.

"In a minute," Tony replied. "You go on ahead. I'll catch up."

Roger left the room. Tony – in a silent acknowledgment of Jeannie's presence – smiled broadly and gave her a thumb's-up sign.

__

Nice work.

Tony then turned and left the room.

* * *

The next day, Roger, Tony, and Jeannie were all gathered together in Tony's living room.

"I don't know how you did it, Tony, but thanks," said Roger.

"Don't thank me," Tony replied. "Thank Jeannie. It was she who got you your money back."

"How?"

"She was the 'demon'," said Tony, framing the word "demon" with his index and middle fingers.

"That's impossible," said Roger. "That demon was _MALE_!"

"C'mon, Rog … 'Genie in a bottle'? She threw us a bone!"

"It was an act, Major Healey," replied Jeannie calmly.

"You two didn't set this up?"

"I came on my own," Jeannie replied. "Had any harm come to you while I stood by and did nothing, I would have never been able to live with myself."

"Wow," said Roger. "Thanks."

"My pleasure, Major Healey," said Jeannie with a smile.

"One question, though … how did you know I was there _before?_"

Jeannie blushed. "I … um … read her mind."

Roger's jaw dropped. "You can do that?"

"I can, but I normally do not. It is considered … an invasion of privacy," said Jeannie. "Since Madame Zolta was a known liar, I had to make sure that I accounted for every last dollar that she stole from you."

"I was talking to a detective friend of mine at the police station," Tony broke in. "He said that Madame Zolta and her gang are wanted in three states for fraud and grand larceny. She's wanted in Texas for allegedly bilking an elderly widow out of forty thousand dollars."

"Wow. Guess I got off lucky," said Roger. He then added, "Lately, I've been seeing this phrenologist guy. He thinks I have some very interesting bumps on my head … "

THE END


End file.
